The Loss of a Loved One

All other events over the past couple of weeks have been overshadowed by the sad news of the passing of my grandfather, James Allison Cook. My grandfather collapsed and died from cardiac arrest while playing golf on January 19th. The shock of his passing has not yet set in and I am struggling to accept the reality of the sad event. I have very little experience with death and hope that mentioning the passing of someone I love on these pages does not in any way cheapen the tragedy. The best way that I can hope to pay tribute to my grandfather is by living a life according to the example that he set and the principles that he lived by. What follows is my poor attempt at a eulogy fitting of a remarkable man and a life well-lived:

Eulogy for James Allison Cook

As the oldest grandchild of Jim and Cathy Cook, I have had the privilege of getting to know my grandparents well over the past 28 years. Each summer, I looked forward to visiting them in Onset, Massachusetts, a magical place that has always been beautiful, peaceful, and welcoming. Despite moving all over the world, Onset has always been home, thanks to the friendly family always graciously welcoming me back. As a child, Onset represented a wonderful playground – the sand of the beach, the grass of the ballfield, and the nooks of my grandparents’ home. Growing older, Onset was a safe and comfortable place that provided a sense of belonging to a tight-knit community.

Finally, as my life took me many different places, Onset always remained a steadfast home with a warm fire and friendly conversation always waiting. The bustle of the summer as children streamed in and out of the screen door. The calm, peaceful autumn days when the vacationers had gone home and the leaves began to descend through the crisp air. The chilly winters that froze the cove and the surrounding scenery into a scene of quiet beauty. These are the memories of my childhood that I will cherish always and the warm, comfortable presence of my grandparents played an essential role in every scene.

The people responsible for providing this important sense of home were my grandfather and grandmother. They always welcomed me and graciously opened their home to me – whether I was a dirty 6-year-old or a recently unemployed 26-year-old. More than anyone else, they created an atmosphere of acceptance and love that fostered the confidence I needed to thrive. I eagerly looked forward to wonderful meals accompanied by lively conversations. My grandfather would discuss politics and religion with such a sharp mind and keen intellect that the conversation could not fail to stimulate. Although we often did not agree on our views, he would respect my opinion and argue his case long past when the last bowl of ice cream had been consumed.

There are two great gifts that I believe my grandfather has bestowed on me: a thirst for knowledge and a sense of the importance of community. I have always been proud that my grandfather was well-educated and, in turn, valued education for his children. After attending Brown University, my grandfather got his doctorate in chemistry and worked for a number of years at PPG in Barberton, Ohio, before moving to Benicia, California to work for Chevron. Following his retirement, Grandpa continued to seek new knowledge and this quest was displayed in his various travels. Along with my grandmother, he embarked on a cruise around the world and traveled to such remote places as Antarctica. During his travels, he often sent out journal updates that described the fascinating places he visited.

Reading these journals in college, I could not help but be awed by the interesting places he visited. It was both inspiring and depressing to be a college student and to realize that my grandparents lived more interesting lives than I did. This exposure to some of the wonders of the world helped to motivate me towards my current adventure. My grandfather also had a strong faith that was displayed in his dedication to the community in Onset. He worked tirelessly to make Onset a friendly, welcoming place that embodied the ideals of the religion and tradition that he so strongly believed in. The success of this mission is evident by the fact that his five children and ten grandchildren eagerly return each summer.

Growing up spending his summers in Onset, he held happy memories of days spent with friends and family along the lovely waters of Muddy Cove. He took pride in the long history in our family of enduring the hardships of the sea, in general, and, specifically, life on Cape Cod. His ancestors settled in Dennisport and it was my honor to have him show me the small church that they attended and the bucolic graveyard overlooking the water that serves as the final resting place for so many of our relatives. Among them are numerous sea captains and he took great interest in the stories of some relatives that traveled to distant lands. These accounts only furthered my resolve to explore exotic locales.

In discussing the seeds of my dream to sail to distant shores, Grandpa encouraged me by providing books and sailing stories that he had heard as a boy. He understood that my journey was one of both external and internal exploration and we had many conversations about my ongoing search for a better understanding of religion. During the summer that Brian and I spent preparing for our trip in Cape Cod, our grandparents generously invited us for dinner every night and never tired of our eating their food or staying past midnight to watch Red Sox games. This was just yet another example of their generosity that seemed endless over the years when they not only always opened their home to us, but lent my brother a car for college, drove me to marathons at a ridiculously early hours of the morning, and graciously including me in every Thanksgiving and Christmas plan when my family was living in Singapore.

Due to my brother and I straddling two generations of Cooks – my father is the oldest child, my Aunt Sarah is closer in age to me than to my father, and my next oldest cousin is twelve years younger than me -we were always made to feel included in the older generation of the family. Occasionally, my Grandparents would refer to each other as “Mom” or “Dad” when speaking to us before quickly realizing that, despite our constant presence, we weren’t one of the five children. When we embarked on our journey, our grandparents were there to see us safely off.

Grandpa was an intelligent, worldly, and passionate person. He is the type of person that I aspire to become. With his passing, I sincerely regret that my future children will be deprived of the chance to get to know him. I am still in shock and mourning his passing, but I take comfort in knowing that his legacy will live on in the wonderful community that he has helped to create for his grandchildren and future generations. Still, visiting Onset without the friendly presence of my Grandpa will likely forever seem incomplete. I only wish that we could have had more time. I love and miss you, Grandpa.

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