Part I – The Longest Day

Part II – Into the Wild

Part III – Africa, Brave Africa

Part IV – Arms Dealers, Blowhards, and Giraffes

Part V – The Maasai Mara

Unfortunately, we didn’t visit in August – we came in February when the wildlife was less plentiful. Still, this being Africa, what passed for a scarcity of animals was still incredible by our standards. Aside from picking the wrong time of year, we also made the mistake of ditching our rustic accommodations and choosing instead a resort. The intent had been to mix up our accommodations and we thought that by the end of our safari we would appreciate the modern conveniences, but in reality we were sort of bummed to feel we were not living at least a little closer to nature.

The resort we stayed at was targeted at Europeans and we quickly learned that the majority of guests had precious little interest in wildlife. The upshot of this stay was that we learned the stereotype of the ugly American has been surpassed by a general loathing of Europeans. Repeatedly, we heard stories about drunk Brits, demanding Germans, and inappropriate Italians. It was consoling to know most Americans behaved themselves well and had developed a reputation for being interested in the animals. Of course, Kenya is a pretty long way from the US, so it could just be that people who are willing to travel that far are likely going for a reason as opposed to just looking for an inexpensive vacation.

Our first experience with the other guests was not positive. We went on an evening game drive and saw absolutely nothing. This can happen and it is understandable, but the guide made very little effort to find anything, choosing instead to drive around in circles near the resort before some of the Europeans requested we head back early to hit the buffet before everyone else. Adding further insult to injury, we were overruled in determining when to set off for the game drive on the following morning. We wanted to go early, when the animals are active; the rest of the group wanted to go later so they could sleep in and have breakfast while it warmed up. After a week in Kenya, we had learned the animals take cover in the shade and sleep during the heat of the day, so we finally threw in the towel and requested to be switched to another group. (This worked out well – we ended up getting a private tour since a separate group of Germans that arrived refused to go on game drives in the closed Land Rover that our driver had; they wanted an open vehicle even though that precludes getting close to large animals.)

When we finally did get to see some wildlife in the Maasai Mara, it was spectacular. While it was not as densely populated as Lake Nakuru and Ol Pejeta, we were able to see two cheetahs eating an impala, a hyena gnawing on the bones of water buffalo, and we drove within a couple of feet of several prides of lions. Of the famed “Big Five,” we managed to see everything except the elusive leopard. By this point, we were spoiled by Africa and were no longer as excited about giraffes, elephants, gazelles, and zebras. Our guide was once again knowledgeable and did his best to find us big cats, but our luck seemed to give out in the Maasai Mara. Every time we met our guide, we learned that we had just barely missed some phenomenal activity straight out of a Discovery channel documentary.

On our first day, we met two American women at the airport who said that they spent several hours the previous day watching a war between two prides of lions. They tracked a cub playing with its mother who was then captured and eaten by an aggressive rival pride. We barely missed another turf war a couple of days later when our guide dropped us off at the resort and then was picking some other guests up at the airport when he happened upon a battle between a pack of hyenas and a pride of lions (the hyenas apparently won). It seemed like every day we would hear about something incredible, but we never managed to be at the right place at the right time.

Still, what we did see was amazing. The diversity of the landscape, the incredible beauty of the animals, and the fascinating culture of the Maasai people were unforgettable. Perhaps the highlight of our stay in the Maasai Mara was being able to meet a Maasai warrior and learn more about their culture. On the first night, while we were waiting to speak to the manager about changing groups, we began talking to a tall Maasai man who went by Jonathan, but whose real name was Vasaai. He was hired by the resort to talk to guests who wanted to learn about Maasai traditions, but no one else appeared interested. We struck up a conversation and determined to visit him every night. Since no one else wanted to talk to him, after dinner each night we spent a couple of hours peppering him with questions about all aspects of Maasai life. In turn, he was amazed to learn about life in the US. At one point, he mentioned that someone had told him about trains that run underground in the US and wanted to know if that was true. He shook his head in disbelief when we confirmed it. Some of our questions he found hilarious. When we were talking about their tribal leadership, Megan asked if women could be leaders of a village. He found this question the funniest thing and it was so inconceivable he couldn’t stop laughing. He talked about how they make a potent form of beer from fermented sausage trees, which, true to description, have pods hanging from the tree that look exactly like sausages. He described how Maasai warriors still go on week-long lion hunting expeditions. He explained how the Maasai make their footware from the old tires. He talked about how most Maasai men took many wives. Generally, he described a way of life that was so different from our day-to-day activities that it was fascinating.

In our travels, it is rare to find a place that is so far removed from the life that we are used to. Throughout our time in Africa, we were struck by how close people are to nature, by the incredible beauty we saw in different parts of Kenya, and by the way in which people lived. While there were many similarities and the presence of foreigners had obviously brought these two cultures closer together, we still found glimpses into a very different place that had not yet conformed to reflect back what visitors would like to see. Instead, these brief views into the way people really live and into a belief system that has been shaped by long traditions were some of the most interesting moments of the safari.

Too often, we noticed that foreigners would take in their surroundings as if they were removed from the scene – as if the people and animals were there for their enjoyment. Visitors took copious amounts of pictures and chatted as if they were watching events unfold on television with little self-awareness for how they contributed to the situation. In many cases, the result was that everything was viewed as a performance. The people we met projected the personality they thought we wanted to see. The guides attempted to deliver the wildlife action that we expect are commonplace thanks to television documentaries. But, of course, that isn’t the way life works. The animals aren’t there for our enjoyment. We are not the stars of the story for the people we see.

After an amazing 10 days in Africa, what we will remember most are not the few magical moments that our photography skills will never be able to do justice in properly capturing. Instead, we will remember the sense of wonderment that was with us our entire stay as everywhere we looked was something so special and so different. During the safari we took roughly 5,000 pictures. Yet, it was impossible to capture the incredible detail and unfathomable scale of our surroundings. Our pictures will serve as a useful reminder of some highlights, but the memories of everything that was outside of the picture will be a long-lasting souvenir of a very special trip.

As we approached our destination, Mt. Kenya came into view. Despite being close to the equator, the steep peak was covered in snow. The majestic mountain was obscured by clouds and barely visible from our next camp in Ol Pejeta Conservancy. Driving into the wildlife preserve, we passed the former home of Adnan Khashoggi, an infamous arms dealer who was rumored to have lavish orgies (our guides regaled us with stories that he had a harem and used a bed atop a real boat with elaborate mechanical controls to replicated the pitching and rolling of the sea – a completely unsubstantiated story that we have not been able to find any reference to on the internet). Our own accommodations were much less conducive to lavish orgies. Instead, we stayed in a comfortable, luxury tent with a pleasant balcony overlooking a drinking hole for many of the animals. The bathroom was spacious, if a bit reliant on the camp staff. The bed had the warm bladders of water for heat, but the shower required someone to boil a bucket of water and then just the right amount of time to balance the risk of scalding with the desire for warm water. This approach worked better in theory than in practice since every morning our requested warm water failed to materialize and we shivered under the bracing stream of frigid water.

Unlike our peaceful solitude at Mbweha Camp, the Porini Rhino Camp had several other guests and the itinerary was designed for socializing. Upon arrival, we met a couple of other guests and then were told to meet the rest of the group for lunch. Despite it being almost 3:00 pm, the entire group had awaited our arrival before sitting down to a formal lunch served by Amos, the gracious cook for the camp who came around with a soup course to start each meal and provided the best service this side of Mombasa. The conversation among strangers, mostly American with a few Swiss there to keep things neutral, was a bit forced and was largely domineered by an irritating woman from the World Bank who was based in Nairobi. No matter what the subject or her level of knowledge on the topic, she would attempt to shift the discussion to some elaborate story about her birding or her mild hatred for the World Bank (where she had worked for 20 years). Thankfully, she departed soon after lunch, so we were not subjected to her tedious presence for the remainder of our stay. The other guests were pleasant and made good dining companions.

After lunch, we went on a short guided walk led by Maasai warriors. They explained their traditional customs and provided a plethora of information on the plants and animals of the region. The four warriors then performed a traditional dance and demonstrated hunting techniques. The group was then picked up by the camp Land Rover and we went on a short game drive before stopping on a hilltop for a sundowner that we enjoyed watching the sun set.

The camp manager, who looked a lot like Herman Caine, was determined to manufacture memorable moments and meaningful discussion. All of the camp guests met around the campfire for drinks prior to dinner to discuss politics, conservation, and a range of topics that no one in the group had either the influence or the knowledge to do anything about. The conversation continued inside during the formal dinner that lasted until nearly 11:00 pm.

The game drive the following morning started at 6:00 am as we shivered in the Land Rover. The mornings were cold and stayed frigid until around 9:00 am when there was a comfortable half hour before it became oppressively hot in the afternoon. The morning did appear to be the ideal time to see wildlife as the nocturnal animals were still awake and almost all animals were out hunting or grazing. While the wildlife was not as densely populated as Lake Nakuru, the range of animals on display was just as impressive. Ranging across a wide expanse of the huge park, we saw a pride of lions, elephants, rhinos, Thompson gazelles, Grant’s gazelles, giraffes, jackals, hyenas, zebras, monkeys, buffalo, eagles and just about every type of animal imaginable. The highlight of this outing was seeing a group of cheetas.

In the early morning light, the scenery was stunning. It seemed like every picture we tried to take of a new animal would have other animals in the background or would be framed by the majestic Mt. Kenya. Like our earlier guide Charles, our guides at Ol Pejeta were knowledgeable and pointed out animals that were difficult to see. They also educated us on what the animals eat, how long they live, their migratory habits, and how they move as groups. Throughout our entire time in Africa, it was fascinating to learn more about the animal kingdom. The diversity of animals, how they interact, and the harsh realities of their lives was so far removed from our everyday experience that it was interesting to learn more.

Despite the long days, forced socialization, freezing cold showers, and lack of time to ourselves, the stay at Porini Rhino Camp was a nice change of pace and exposed us to even more of the abundance of wildlife that Kenya has to offer. The other guests were all friendly and it was nice to be able to get to meet some other people who shared an interest in the culture and wildlife of Kenya. Another nice aspect of Porini Camp was that all of the workers were members of the Maasai tribe. The camp was very much focused on conservation of animals and on the preservation of Maasai culture.

After 6 days in Kenya, Megan and I were fully adapted to the new time zone and embraced the rhythm of the safari routine. Early morning game drive, picnic breakfast, a late morning game drive or visit to a local attraction, lunch at camp, late afternoon/evening game drive, meet around the campfire to discuss the colonials, dinner, and a sound night of sleep surrounded by the sounds of the wild. It was an easy life to get used to and each day delivered new discoveries and the opportunity to see something amazing.

(Click here for the final installment … Part V – The Maasai Mara)

After a short drive, we entered Lake Nakuru Conservancy, an expansive park teeming with wildlife. The entrance was swarming with baboons chasing each other over buildings, up trees, and hanging out by the side of the road. Less than 100 yards from the entrance, we encountered flocks of flamingo and pelicans. Nearby, zebras grazed in an arid field. It was overwhelming. Everywhere we looked was a scene that would put the best zoo to shame. Accustomed to visitors, the animals were unaffected by our presence. Charles would navigate the Land Rover within a few feet of the wildlife, who neither approached nor moved away, but showed a general indifference. Armed with a checklist of wildlife native to Kenya, we saw nearly every variety of every species – giraffes, elephants, monkeys, buffalo, eland, oryx, gazelles, jackals, ostrich, and many others. For about 30 minutes, we slowly followed a rhino that was walking down the one-land dirt road, blocking our way. Naturally, we have a ton of pictures of the lone black rhino, although most are not from a flattering angle. The highlight of the day was seeing a pair of lioness’ sleeping following a kill. They were both bloated from eating and we pulled so close that we could hear their labored breathing. One slept in a precariously small tree while the other rested under a tree nearby. We approached within about 10 feet and pulled up directly under the tree, observing the sleeping lion for about 30 minutes. For lunch, we had a nice picnic in the shade near a waterfall, excitedly recounting the variety of animals we had observed.

Following more meandering through the park, admiring the stunning scenery and incredible wildlife, we returned to Mbweha Camp for a fine dinner in the large thatched roof lounge. We quickly fell asleep warmed by our hot water bladders under the covers.

(Click here for Part IV – Arms Dealers, Blowhards, and Giraffes)

Megan and I then boarded the tour company’s Land Rover and our guide, Charles, drove us several hours to Lake Naivasha. It should be noted that driving in Kenya is nothing like driving in the US (or, really, anywhere else). It is more an aggressive form of survival with each driver making split-second decisions on whether to attack, retreat, or hold their ground. Of all of the concerns of traveling to Africa, riding in a car is hardly ever mentioned, but it should be included at the top of the list. We were passed on the left, on the right, both at the same time, and even saw cars pass on the opposite shoulder, swerving around on-coming traffic – of course, this was all on a one-lane, poorly maintained road. Fortunately, Charles struck just the right balance of speed and safety and delivered us safely throughout the journey. The Land Rover certainly came in useful since several times we just hopped the curb and drove around construction and the laconic police officer on duty to bypass the recommended detour.

Added to the harrowing overland drive, we passed into the Great Rift Valley, an impressive trench that runs over 7,000 miles from Syria to Mozambique. With a slight resemblance to the Grand Canyon, we stopped at an overlook that provided a view of the expansive valley before descending the steep eastern edge into the valley.

Upon safely arriving at our destination, we walked through a small forest and boarded a motorboat for a boat safari. Even before casting off, we began seeing water buffalo, giraffes, and an assortment of birds grazing by the water. We slowly motored out to the lake through high grass and exotic species of birds presented themselves in every direction. As we excitedly tried to take it all in and snapped as many pictures as possible, the guide patiently pointed out kingfishers, cormorants, egrets, and herons. Once the lake opened up before us, we saw groups of hippos in every direction. Fearlessly, we motored through these groups and approached to within a few feet of the most dangerous animal in Africa. In the distance, the far shore was barely visible through the haze. We were informed that this is where the movie “Out of Africa” was filmed. In addition to the plethora of wildlife viewed from the boat, on the hike back to the car we saw both the rare colobus monkey and dik dik.

Another long drive delivered us to Mbweha Camp near Lake Nakuru just before sunset. Again, we were the only guests and were greeted with a tasty, frosty beverage. We were led to a cute, rustic cottage constructed of lava rock with a thatched roof. The inviting bed in the middle of the room was covered in a mosquito net. After getting settled, we poked our head out of the private hut and flashed our flashlight to hail the security guard to guide us to the main lounge where we enjoyed another excellent private fireside meal. Still suffering from jetlag, following dinner we were guided back to the hut, admiring the stunning view of stars in the absence of artificial light. With temperatures plummeting and listening to animals patting by outside and bugs buzzing around in our hut, we scurried into the protection of our bed. Megan was first to enter and jumped back with a scream, pointing out that something was in the bed. Several bumps appeared to be moving under the covers and I dramatically pulled back the sheets to reveal a few bladders of warm water that had been strategically placed in the bed to keep it warm. Once we got over the shock, it made for a really comfortable sleep and we vowed to bring this simple method of keeping the bed warm back to the US.

Thus ended our first full day in Africa. We got a taste of the amazing wildlife and moved from the dense urban center of Nairobi to the remote planes of Lake Nakuru. Along the way, we saw a wide range of Kenyan villages and a huge diversity in the landscape.

In the next installment, we begin our game drives. (click here for Part III – Africa, Brave Africa)

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No African adventure can begin without a long voyage to reach the remote continent. Even from Europe it is an 11-hour flight, but tacking on the 10-hour leg from Los Angeles to London transforms an already daunting journey from inconvenient to abysmal. Our trip began early on the last day of January with an early morning and a rushed effort to move all of our belongings out of our rental property in Los Angeles. We do not have that many things and the moving company assured us that they could pack everything up and load it with plenty of time to spare for us to catch our 6:00 pm flight. The day was not without its challenges, but by 2:00 pm all of our belongings were loaded and we quickly met with our landlord to return the keys and hand over the apartment. With a fully loaded car, we met up with Megan’s sister who kindly dropped us off at the airport with plenty of time to spare before our flight.

The first leg of the trip was a dream. Flying from Los Angeles to London, we used points to get upgraded and enjoyed our spacious pods at the front of the plane. The 10 hours actually passed too quickly with a couple of decent meals, plenty of entertainment options, and a comfortable lie-flat seat to pass the time. Upon arrival at London Heathrow, we hauled our heavy carry-on bags between terminals and then spent the 7 hour layover in the business class lounge of Singapore Airlines. Without question, the highlight of the layover was being able to take a shower in the lounge. After 17 hours of travel, we felt refreshed and comfortable.

The good fortune was not to hold. Our next leg was on Ethiopia Airlines, a Star Alliance partner that is even worse than it sounds. Again, we used points to upgrade, but the business class section proved to be less than impressive. Despite being a 9-hour red-eye flight between London and Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, the loud, screeching music blaring when we boarded the plane continued for the duration of the flight. In addition to leaving the lights on the whole flight, the entire crew huddled just in front of us and cackled loudly throughout the night. Capping it off, from our uncomfortable seats, we saw several cockroaches scurry across the cabin floor prior to takeoff. Needless to say, it was a long 9 hours and we arrived in Ethiopia about as far from refreshed and comfortable as could be imagined.

After a couple of hours in the Addis Ababa, the last leg to Nairobi was relatively uneventful and the 2 hour flight passed quickly. Upon arrival in Nairobi, we completed some paperwork, purchased visas, and were met by the tour company who delivered us to our hotel. The hotel was a quaint, colonial building with about 6 rooms, although we appeared to be the only guests. We were greeted with a tropical drink that we sipped in a dark mahogany room while sitting on overstuffed leather couches. Exhausted, we were then led to our charming room that had French doors opening to a grassy area with a table and chairs. In an attempt to overcome jetlag, we walked the bucolic estate, returning to the room to find a chilled bottle of champagne waiting for us. We managed to enjoy a couple glasses of champagne on the patio before retiring for a much-needed nap.

Around 8:00 pm, we were awoken by a phone call asking when we would be taking dinner. We briefly considered skipping since we were tired and had brought snacks, but since we were the only guests we did not want to be rude by begging off. Promising to be down in 30 minutes, we roused ourselves, bathed, and got dressed. It proved to be a good decision. We were guided to a private candle-lit dining area next to a crackling fireplace with rose petals sprinkled around the table. Apparently, our itinerary had been booked as a honeymoon, so we were extended every romantic upgrade imaginable. This proved to be the case throughout our trip and greatly added to the experience, so we never felt it proper to correct people and let them know that we have been married for almost three years. The dinner was excellent with some of the best fresh bread we have ever had. The formal, four-course meal was an early Valentine’s Day dinner and was the best meal we had during our stay in Kenya.

Following the wonderful dinner, we returned to our room to find that it too had been covered in rose petals. We were slightly embarrassed that in our rush to get ready for dinner, we had left the room in disarray, so the rose petals were delicately scattered around our mess. After a great start to our trip, we quickly fell asleep and eagerly anticipated starting our safari.

Just a taste of what is to come … (click here for Part II – Into the Wild)

The resulting Frankenstein monster of macaroni & cheese spangled with tinned turkey still echos unpleasantly on my palate to this day.

Ill-advised as it was, I remember that meal less for its abhorrence and more for the moment it marked; Aaron and I were on our own, away from the rest of our family for perhaps for the first Thanksgiving ever. We were best friends, but were still learning to navigate our working relationship on the vessel, as well as the sea we traveled. Our banter seems amusingly naive and short-sighted on reflection: code words we would shout to signal a fight back in case of pirate attack, how many courtesy flags we could sew in a day, whether to run the engine for refrigeration or to go without and mitigate the risk of mechanical failure.

Now that Aaron’s family has grown, we may spend this Thanksgiving apart. It’s bittersweet to think that, whether it’s seven years ago or seven waves ago, none of us are in the same place we were then. This year, when my family gathers for the meal, I’ll look forward to my mother’s inevitable prompt: “We’ve all spent Thanksgiving in some different places. What are some of your favorites?”

I’ve actually seen the Grand Canyon several times from the air as flights to LAX often pass directly over this well-known landmark. From 30,000 feet, the landscape is stunning with bright red rocks hurtling toward the sky and dark shadows hinting at the depth below. This view from a distance wetted our appetite to make the journey to this popular destination.

We departed LA on Friday afternoon, joining the throng of travelers leaving the city. Since the first half of our drive shares the same route as the popular pilgrimage to Las Vegas, it was a slow slog for the first few hours. It was easy to pick out who was headed for Vegas – generally either a single male driving a Mustang with wrap-around sunglasses and enough hair product to perform taxidermy on a small rodent or a car filled with blathering women with huge sunglasses and spray-on tans. Progress was plodding until we reached Barstow and were able to peel off from the Vegas crowd. Driving through the Mojave Desert, the sunset was beautiful and the mountains on the horizon gradually turned purple as the sky darkened.

By about 10:00 pm we began searching for a hotel for the night. The border town of Needles, California didn’t have much in the way of options, so we opted to drive north to Laughlin, Nevada since numerous signs promised a desert oasis. Instead, we suddenly came upon a perverse doppelganger of Las Vegas. I had no idea that such a place existed. If Las Vegas is tacky, then Laughlin is something less refined than tacky. A strip of casinos ran along the Colorado River and sunburned tourists in jean shorts and tank tops unloaded their trucks with motorboats and jet skis in tow. If Las Vegas is the vain, superficial, older sister who wears too much make-up then Laughlin is the dirty, poorly dressed, rug rat of a little brother who plays in the trash. On the upside, the rates at Harrah’s were reasonable and we skirted around the smoke-filled casino, past the McDonald’s and found our room in the 3^rd tower. Looking out on the other 1,500 rooms, we dined on turkey sandwiches and avocados before calling it a night.

The next morning, we rose early and got on the road. Grand Canyon National Park was only three more hours and as we approached the park, a steady stream of vehicles converged on the famous attraction. Before entering the park, we stopped at the visitors center in Tusayan where we purchases a park pass and got information on camping and hiking. Due to the holiday weekend, the area was teeming with tourists, so our first course of business was to go to the campgrounds and reserve our campsite. We set up our tent and then proceeded to the park. Not surprisingly, the place was a zoo. Parking was difficult to come by and the crowds were everywhere. We bypassed the visitor center due to lack of parking and as we drove through the woods a glimpse of the canyon suddenly emerged not more than 50 feet away. We parked on the side of the road and walked a few steps to find an amazing panoramic view before us. A paved path followed the contour of the rim for about a mile and tourists with all varieties of accents gawked at the spectacular views. Amazingly, visitors were allowed to be as stupid as they wanted and various groups jostled for the perfect picture, even if it meant scampering out on a precarious ledge with a sheer drop only a couple feet away. Perhaps due to the size of the canyon it isn’t possible to put up a rail along the whole rim, but on this particular day we saw more than a few people hanging dangerously close to the precipice.

After taking a few pictures, we scouted out the rest of the Grand Canyon Village that included a grocery store, several lodges, and plentiful small cabins. For dinner, we bought a steak and some popcorn to be accompanied by chips and smores – all good camping fare. Following  a nice meal, we went for a walk around the campgrounds, during which we were invited by a park ranger to a presentation on local wildlife. These presentations often seem amateur or become tedious, but this one proved to be both informative and entertaining. The ranger described the big game animals found in the park and showed an assortment of pelts, antlers, and horns from the animals. My favorite was the javelina, which I learned bears no relation to the pig other than a strong resemblance. The presentation also included instructions on what to do if ever encountering a bear or mountain lion in the wild, information that I hope will never come in useful.

On Sunday morning, we woke up early, packed up the tent, and got an early start driving into the park. Where the huddled masses had roamed the afternoon before, we found ourselves alone to enjoy our breakfast with a breathtaking view. We drove to the end of the road and then boarded a bus that shuttles visitors throughout the park, beyond where cars are permitted. Disembarking at one stop, we snapped some pictures, took in the views, and hiked a about a mile to the next stop, where another bus shuttled us further along the rim. We repeated this enjoyable exercise several times before reaching the end of the bus route. With the exception of the last stop, nearly every lookout was empty and we enjoyed the quiet solitude. In the morning light, the sepia cliffs looked even more brilliant. Around every corner was another spectacular view and we have hundreds of pictures to attest to the beauty of this park. The hiking ranged from nicely paved paths to well-trodden dirt trails. Though warm, the oppressive heat didn’t truly set in until the early afternoon. The entire route was tremendously beautiful and words cannot describe the stunning scale of the Grand Canyon. In a place so vast, everything seems out of proportion. The vast pillars and plateaus hardly look real and it seems like the background set of movie rather than a real landscape.

As we returned to the village, the tourists returned en mass. Long lines waited for the buses that we had breezed onto hours earlier. The afternoon sun beat down and we decided it was time to return home. During the drive back to LA, we appreciated the barren landscape, inhospitable to life and devoid of any development. The weekend at the Grand Canyon reminded us of how much we enjoy camping and hiking, causing us to vow to do more of both in the future. The short trip was largely improvised with little in the way of planning. Had we known what to expect, we might have chosen to raft the Colorado River rapids through the Grand Canyon or we would have secured the backcountry permit necessary to backpack down into the canyon. As it was, we were impressed by how convenient the national park was and what a wonderful luxury it is to have access to such beautiful surroundings. The buses were frequent and completely free. The food was reasonable, at least by LA standards. The roads and campgrounds were well-maintained. Considering what a popular tourist destination the Grand Canyon is, everything seemed to be understated and done with good taste. Compared to Laughlin, the Grand Canyon was clean and a pleasant reminder of how beautiful and diverse our country truly is.

Of course, the drawback of such a lofty claim is that it sets high expectations. In the case of the Silver Swan, the burger was pretty good, although I’m fairly certain that I’ve had better burgers elsewhere in the world. I will say that the ambiance at the Swan is tough to beat. (Full disclosure: I make it a point to visit the Silver Swan whenever I am in Ohio visiting family.) The faux wood paneling and dated artwork on the wall give the restaurant the feel of eating in the well-worn living room of an octogenarian. The clientele is made up primarily of men in their 50’s and 60’s quietly reading the newspaper and occasionally remarking to no one in particular “it’s a sad state of affairs” followed by a shake of the head before flipping the page and moving on to the sports section (or, this being Cleveland, maybe they are remarking on the sports section).

Yet, while the Silver Swan may not fully live up to its billing as serving the best burger in the world, it does offer a challenge to identify what establishment is worthy of such a designation – a challenge that I gamely am willing to take on. First, let me state the obvious: while I enjoy a good burger and have traveled a few places, my burger tasting experience is still limited. This is more of a journey than a destination, so I am always open to trying new burger joints and my list is in no way fixed. With that said, I have had some terrific burgers and have attempted to visit some of the famous burger purveyors throughout the land. The following is my highly subjective, in-no-way official ranking of the burgers that I have enjoyed over the past few years:

DFL (Dead Fucking Last)

Yak Burger (Annapurna Region, Nepal) – suffering from altitude sickness, I desperately wanted some comfort food to make me feel better. I thought a burger was a safe choice and I couldn’t have been more wrong. This atrocity was more soup than solid, a liquid mess that looked pretty much the same going down as it did coming up. Awful. (Grade: 0 bastards on a 10 bastard scale)

Honorable Mention

McDonalds (Tokyo, Beijing, Delhi) – I know, I know, it is shameful. I love ethnic food, but there comes a time when I just want something familiar, even if it is possibly the worst American food imaginable. After a couple of weeks of Indian or Chinese or even my favorite cuisine, Japanese, I occasionally have a longing for something that is easy to order and easy to eat. Every time I give in to the guilty pleasure of American fast food abroad, I am embarrassed to be the American standing in line. Still, it is interesting to see how McDonalds modifies their menu to fit local tastes (ex. Curry burger). I can’t remember the last time that I’ve gone to McDonalds in the U.S., but I can recall trips in Tokyo, Beijing, Singapore, Delhi, Rome, and Paris.

Bull’s Head Diner (Stamford, CT) – Connecticut is full of good Greek diners that serve excellent burgers. I used to enjoy a good burger here when I came back to Connecticut for work. (Grade: 7 bastards)

Billy Goat Tavern (Chicago, IL) – famous for surly service, the burgers here are good, but I like this place mainly for the positive  associations. When I lived in Chicago, co-workers and I would visit here on Friday for lunch and to play golden tee. (Grade: 7 bastards)

Chez Audents (floating) – this list isn’t intended to include non-restaurant meals, but such a substantial portion of the best burgers that I’ve had have been consumed on Audentes that I would be remiss in excluding it from the list. When we were sailing, a celebratory meal was to grill some burgers and have some guests over to the boat. Since foreigners are well-aware of America’s grilling prowess, we received frequent requests for burgers. (Grade: 8 bastards)

Top 5

5. In N Out Burger (Los Angeles, CA) – given the choice, many Californians would opt for In N Out as their last meal. It is definitely better than other fast food options and the fresh ingredients make a difference. (Grade: 7.5 bastards)

4. The Varsity (Atlanta, GA) – good value and a nice experience. The burger is solid, although I don’t like chili or too much else as toppings to overwhelm the meat. (Grade 7.5 bastards)

3. The Apple Pan (Los Angeles, CA) – a lot of lettuce and good size for a burger, but nothing special. The horseradish on the burger is tasty (Grade: 8 bastards)

2. The Counter (Santa Monica, CA) – good burger with excellent fries. The only drawback is the size of the burger which always leaves me feeling too full afterward. So tasty that I can’t stop myself from eating the entire burger. (Grade: 8 bastards)

1. Umami Burger (Santa Monica, CA) – delicious burgers that are just the right sized. Cooked rare to leave a pink center, using quality meat, and adorned with gourmet toppings. This is the best burger that I have had recently. (Grade: 9 bastards)

Despite consuming some delicious burgers, the search for the perfect burger continues. As I mentioned, this is a work-in-progress, so I’m eager to try new places and improve my list. Any recommendations are appreciated.

In the past couple of years, we’ve made several trips to San Luis Obispo and Paso Robles for wine tasting since it is only a few hours’ drive from Los Angeles. For some reason, we were under the impression that the drive from Los Angeles to the Bay Area is over 8 hours. In actuality, we made the trip in about 6.5 hours.

On the way, we encountered a few vicious squalls as we drove through the pancake-flat Central Valley, but traffic was light until we reached Silicon Valley. Even driving through the newly developed suburbs around San Francisco, we made good progress and arrived in Napa just as the sun was setting. Before checking into the hotel, we stopped at the grocery store for provisions, intent on making our visit to wine country as affordable as possible. Our plan to cook for ourselves was further boosted when we checked into the hotel and were upgraded to a one bedroom suite. The suite featured a full kitchen, dining area, two bathrooms, two flatscreen TV’s, and a large balcony overlooking the hotel pool. The hotel upgrade was to be the first pleasant surprise in a string of good fortune we experienced during the weekend thanks to Napa being virtually deserted during the offseason. Throughout our entire stay, traffic was non-existent, barely anyone was with us in the tasting rooms, and the hotel was sparsely occupied.

On Sunday morning, I went out for a cool morning run around the charming town of Napa. Although I had been warned that Napa was fairly developed and lacked the charm of smaller places like Sonoma, the parts of town I saw appeared quaint. Following a substantial breakfast, we set out for vineyards by driving north along Route 29. The south portion of the road is an expressway that gradually slows to a divided highway with occasional lights before morphing into a more scenic two-lane road. Similar to the character of the road itself, the vineyards along Route 29 follow a similar transformation. They start with the large, well-known wineries that boast palatial buildings and change to medium-sized, premium vineyards as you head north before completing the cycle with smaller, less-known wineries at the north of the valley.

Our first stop was at St. Supery, a medium-to-large sized winery that was highly recommended in the books I researched prior to our trip. The winery is best known for educating visitors and is supposed to boast a tour featuring some slightly hokey teaching instruments such as a smelling tube that helps to identify aromas in wine. The building itself is somewhat modern and nondescript. Either the educational facilities were closed during our visit or we missed them entirely. Instead, we proceeded to the tasting room, where a couple of other visitors were cozied up to the bar. After reviewing the tasting options, we settled for the less-expensive, less-exclusive tasting that allowed us to share four wines. At first, we felt neglected, but after a couple of sips and some probing questions the gentleman behind the bar opened up. Soon, Joe (his actual name) was peppering us with jokes, lecturing on the unique aspects of St. Supery’s wine, and recommending other wineries that we should visit. Over an hour later, he was providing us with samples of the reserve wines and talking football. Overall, the wine was superb and it was an educational way to start our wine tasting, even if it wasn’t the type of education we were expecting.

Next, we drove a couple hundred yards north to the Grgich Hills winery. I first came to know this winery through my uncle Bruno, who shares a Croatian heritage with the winemakers and has been generous enough over the years to introduce me to their highly regarded wines. Grgich also became famous due to the movie “Bottle Shock,” which recounts the rise of Napa wines to prominence and describes how a Napa wine (made by the founder of Grgich) beat out the best of France in a blind tasting. Fitting of a famous winery, the tasting room was crowded and we needed to wait for a place at the bar. When we finally did get served, we were granted only limited attention and were largely left to ourselves to discover the wines. When we did have the opportunity to speak to the pourer, he seemed uncertain of the winemaking process and lacked confidence discussing the biodynamic method Grgich referenced often in their literature. Our continuous questions probably did not encourage the server to hang around any more than necessary. As for the tasting, the white wines had a unique mineral taste. I enjoyed the Cabernet Sauvignon, but was underwhelmed by the other wines we tasted.

Following our tasting, we enjoyed a light picnic in the Grgich parking lot. Eating in a car can rarely be considered elegant, but on a beautiful day with endless vineyards stretched out as far as the eye can see it seemed quite refined and our apple, bread, and cheese certainly seemed to taste much better than it should. After lunch, we drove further up route 29, passing through quaint towns and numerous vineyards. We drove as far north as Calistoga, a small outpost at the north of the valley that has a decidedly different feel from the southern part of the valley. The town seemed more rugged, but quaint in its own rustic way. Initially, we tried to visit the Calistoga Geyser, but were turned off by the egregious $10 per person price tag, a steep ask considering the geyser only erupts once every 10 minutes and there is little else to recommend the site. Instead, we proceeded to the Castello di Amorosa, where we had scheduled a tour of the faux castle. The tour took 90 minutes and gave an overview of castles and winemaking. It didn’t help we toured the castle with a large group, but the castle had the artificial feeling of Disney with little in the way of substance. To be fair, it was an attractive castle and I would love to have such an impressive wine cellar, but even after an hour and a half neither Megan nor I was sure why the castle was built. Our best guess is that some rich guy who owns another winery (V. Sattui) decided that building a castle in Napa would be a profitable attraction for visitors who wanted to do something different than wine tasting. At the end of the tour, there was a wine tasting, but after St. Supery and Grgich, the wine tasted like colored water. For Megan, the highlight of the visit was a friendly cat named Guinevere in the tasting room, although even in this case our guide only told us the cat’s name and didn’t deem it necessary to tell us whose cat it was or why the cat was in the winery.

Our second day in Napa was equally enjoyable and the wineries were even less congested. Our first stop was at Cakebread, one of the famous wineries in Napa everyone recommended we visit. To be honest, we were wary since they are known for high-quality, high-cost wines, which only meets half our criteria. Still, the beauty of a wine tasting is it allows you to sample some wines that would be otherwise unaffordable. In this case, we made a reservation and were provided a private tasting with Bob, an extremely knowledgeable veteran of Napa. He was a wealth of information, providing in-depth explanations of the winemaking process and describing the history of the region. He explained how when Cakebread first started that Robert Mondavi, who already had a thriving vineyard across the street, stopped by to offer assistance and lend some equipment to the burgeoning enterprise. Every wine we tastes was sublime and if only it was affordable then we wouldn’t need to drink anything else. After the great tasting, we drove up to Rutherford Hills Winery, where we ate lunch while overlooking the Napa Valley.

Next up was Honig, a small winery recommended by a friend and located slightly off the beaten path, on a side street off Route 29. The pourers were much younger and obviously enthusiastic about wine, although the wines paled in comparison to the other vineyards we visited. The wines were average even though the prices were still consistent with better Napa wines. The only one we liked was an odd Late Harvest Sauvignon Blanc. The thick, yellow wine tasted like a less-offensive dessert wine. Overall, we were disappointed with Honig and couldn’t leave soon enough.

Following a slightly disappointing tasting, we moved on to Goosecross, another winery off of Route 29 that Megan remembered as being good. We arrived just as a couple of people were leaving and were once again treated to having the tasting room all to ourselves. The pourer this time was an affable Texan, Matt, who patiently explained the in’s and out’s of various wines. As with other wineries and nearly everyone we met in Napa, he displayed a passion for wine and was eager to educate us. Our tasting diverted from the normal flight and he generously added several different vintages for us to compare and some special reserve wines that were transcendent. In addition, he explained the differences between the various appellations and was happy to share recommendations for good wineries and local restaurants. He encouraged us to explore the Silverado Trail, a less popular road running parallel to Route 29 and has a vastly different culture.

With the light waning, we managed to fit in one more winery before closing time. We proceeded up the Silverado Trail to Mumm Vineyards, which specializes in sparkling wine. The setting is more like a restaurant and we sat down at tables on an enclosed balcony overlooking rolling vineyards bathed in the late afternoon sun. We were provided with tastes of three different sparkling wines, each of which were dry and tasty, although felt more appropriate for a wedding than for everyday sipping. Just as we were ready to leave, an older woman came over and offered us a taste of a special wine. Compared to the others, this wine was clearly superior. It was at this point, that the heady mix of wine and general exposure to the exorbitant prices of Napa finally wore me down. Up to this point, I had been responsibly moderating my purchases, only buying bottles I truly loved and seemed to be at least moderately good values. However, my practicality wavered and I splurged on a special sparkling wine, a purchase I immediately regretted since I have had a decent bottle of prosecco sitting in my refrigerator for the past few months.

Our wine tasting in Napa completed, before heading home, we went out for one wonderful meal. While it was nice to eat in our hotel room and enjoy simple picnics in scenic surroundings, it would have been shameful to leave Napa without eating out for one nice dinner. Fortunately, we had plenty of recommendations and we opted to follow the advice of our host at Cakebread, who suggested Bistro Jeanty. It was not a decision we regretted. Located in Yountville, the small little bistro had a cozy feel and we were seated next to the fire in the back. Several people had told us to order the tomato soup and we supplemented this appetizer with the escargot in garlic pastis butter. Both were amazing, but the tomato soup with a tasty puff pastry soufflé draped across the top was one of the best dishes I have ever had. For the main course, we split a deconstructed beef stew with mashed potatoes, buttered peas and carrots and steamed mussels in a red wine sauce. Again, both dishes were divine. To cap the meal off, we had a chocolate mouse crème brule. The calorie count for the whole meal probably topped 3,000 calories per person, but the buttery dishes loaded with crème were well worth however many years were shaved off my life.

Thus ended a memorable weekend in Napa. Both Megan and I marveled at how lucky people are to live in such a beautiful location. The weather was perfect, the wines were excellent, and everyone we met was extremely knowledgeable and helpful. Visiting during the offseason suited us perfectly since it allowed us to linger at wineries and savor the wine while we learned about the interesting process and unique history of the region. We are certainly fortunate to live within driving distance of such a fantastic place and we hope to make it back soon. As if the wine were not enticing enough, the tomato soup alone is well worth the trip.